James Hollis writes about our fragility as humans and how our desire for youth, and avoidance of growing old, is pathological. He says:
“To be mindful of our fragile fate each day, in a non-morbid acknowledgment, helps us remember what is important in our life and what is not, what matters, really, and what does not.”
He goes on to say:
“Those most occupied with appearance are typically those most resistant to the task of inner authority, for they continue to seek validation from the world out there.”
As I understand it, the lack of inner authority increases the need for external validation and creates a toxic loop or pattern. The more external validation, the less inner authority and movement towards maturity. There is often a deep element of ignorance and a denial of responsibility in this mindset and emotional state.
The key factor in breaking this infantile loop, is suffering. The kind of suffering where the ego-self comes in conflict with the true self. As Hollis puts it, the ego self “fosters narcissism, naiveté, self-absorption, and indifference to others.” This in itself is a cause of great suffering to ourselves, but especially our loved ones.
Note that there is a difference between pain and suffering. Hollis points out that pain is physiological and should be alleviated, while suffering is spiritual and raises critical existential questions. It also motivates us toward finding meaning in the mundaneness of our lives. He writes:
“The rigor and depth of questions jar us out of complacency, out of casual reiterations of untroubled life, and bring us to the daily dilemma of enlargement or diminishment.”
The soul confronts the ego head-on, calling it to step away, surrender control, and risk enlargement, authenticity, and rejection by external validators. It seeks deep inner authority and agency. It seeks to disrupt infantile patterns of control and enslavement and move toward life-giving, conscious maturity.
When we neglect the nudging of the soul, Hollis reminds us that:
“…flight from this perpetuates our sense of victimisation and keeps us on the run from the gods and from our own larger life.”
The invitation to grow up is clear and continual.
Becoming agile in responding to it daily is both transformational and necessary.
A higher road beckons.